Deepest Scars Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  About the Author

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  About the Author

  Deepest Scars

  A Stand-Alone Companion Novel

  Being Me - Book Five

  by Tricia Copeland

  Copyright © 2018 True Bird Publishing LLC

  All rights reserved

  License Notes:

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It may not be copied or re-distributed in any way. Author holds all copyright.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Edited by Tia Silverthorne Bach

  Proofread by Jennifer Oberth

  Interior Formatting by Jo Michaels

  all of Indie Books Gone Wild

  Cover by Daryl A. McCool of d.a.m. Cool Graphics

  Published by True Bird Publishing LLC, Superior, CO

  The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of a copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by fines and federal imprisonment.

  “So, we didn’t get to catch up today. How was your Fourth?” Mitchell asks as I slide my backpack over my shoulders.

  “I was working.” I dodge incoming patients as we exit the physical therapy room.

  “Did you even get to see fireworks?”

  “No, we had a couple injuries, so I was there till late.” I find my keys and sunglasses in a side pocket of my bag.

  “You’ve got to get a better job, so you can have a social life.” Mitchell shakes his head.

  “Are you kidding? I’m living the dream. Fame and fortune.”

  “Right, well”—he holds his palm out to me—“I’ll catch you next time.”

  “Yep.” I shake his hand and slide my sunglasses on. Stepping through the sliding doors the sun sears my skin, and I wonder if I’ll ever get used to it. Heat rises off the pavement, and hot wind engulfs me as I cross the parking lot. A volleyball rolls out from between two cars. I dip and scoop it up with one hand. Scanning the rows, I spot an open trunk and jog to it. I stop a couple feet from a girl rummaging in the back of a small SUV. “You lose this?” I hold the ball at arm’s length.

  She glances at me and then back to her open car. “I’d lose my head right now if it weren’t attached.” Her accent is melodic, almost twangy, and I note the New Jersey license plate. Running her hand through her thick hair, she turns to face me. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” Ball extended, I take a step closer to her. “You play?”

  Her eyes land on mine and then cut to my chest where my ID card hangs. Grabbing the sphere with both hands, she tosses it into her SUV. “Yeah.” Shaking her head, she fishes in the closest bag.

  “Me too. There’s a league at the JCC if you’re interested. That’s the—”

  “I know what the JCC is.” She spins to face me.

  I take a step back. “Okay, I wasn’t… I just thought—”

  “What? Since I have out-of-state plates, I’m fresh meat? A new chick to take out once and never call again?”

  “Whoa.” I raise my palms. “I was just returning the ball.” Shaking my head, I turn and walk away. I should have known. She’s the redhead I saw with Lydia and Rose in the cafeteria. They hate me. Why? I have no clue. I accepted an invite to hang out with them my first week on the job. We’d spent three hours at a bar, them spouting off all the hospital gossip. Drama isn’t my thing. I’d been nice about it, nodding and agreeing where appropriate. The next time they asked me to join them, I had volleyball, fortunately for me, as I am horrible at lying. The third and fourth times, I had a string of twelve-hour shifts and declined them again. They have been shooting daggers and giving me the cold shoulder ever since. I’m not sure what to do about their hostility. Mitchell said to ignore them, but now they’re bad-mouthing me? I’m barely at the hospital two days a week, and they think they know me?

  “Hey.” I hear her call out and turn around. “I’m sorry about that. Thanks for saving my ball. This is my first day at work, I moved here two days ago, and everything is out of control. Lydia and Rose said that you…” Shedding her sunglasses, her eyes cut to the pavement and back to my face.

  I shake my head and shrug. “That I did what exactly? Did they mention how long they’d known me? I moved here a month ago and only hung out with them once.”

  “Oh.” She looks to a passing truck and then back up at me. “They were trying to help, I think.”

  The sun has my skin flaming. “We good?”

  “Yeah, thanks again.”

  “No problem.” I resume my path, hoping my reply wasn’t too rude. She lashed out at me first though. Plus, with the twelve-hour shift and heat, I was done.

  “Zack, my man!” Rabbi John greets me by gripping my hand and bumping his shoulder to mine the next night at the JCC gym. “Wasn’t sure you were going to make it.”

  “Traffic was bad. How’s the count?” I ask as I secure my laces.

  “Good, Kara from team two is sick, but Liz showed up, so we’re good to go.”

  “Liz?”

  “Redhead, said you invited her?” His eyes grow large as if to urge me to remember.

  “Long red hair?”

  “Yeah, red, it’s back, so maybe? You want to switch to be on her team?”

  “Nope.” I rub the stubble on my chin.

  “Okay, well I won’t ask about that then.” He looks back to his clipboard.

  “Yeah, you don’t want to know.” I pat him on the back and, eyes focused on the floor, make my way to our court.

  Jeff approaches. “Who’s the chick?”

  “What chick?”

  “Redhead. John said you invited her.”

  “Don’t know her.” I throw my bag on the stands and retrieve my ball. “Let’s warm up.”

  “We’re warmed up and waiting on you.”

  I stretch my arms, then legs, and then jog in place. “I’m good.”

  We move to the net and start the game. I focus on the ball and my shots. Liz, I guess that’s her name, made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. Still, she’s cute, and I’m curious to know how she plays, so I steal glances on breaks. Our team takes the first game, and the other wins the second. The match ends with us gaining the tie-breaker.

  “Nice game.” I hear Liz’s sing song semi-Jersey twang behind me.

  I spin to face her. “Thanks, didn’t expect to see you here.”

  She tucks her ball under one arm. “I like to play and wanted to meet some people.”

  “Good.” I exhale and smile.

  A hand lands on my back, saving
me from the seconds of silence that stretch between us. “Who’s your friend?” Jeff asks.

  “I’m Liz.” She glances at me and extends her hand to him.

  “Great to have you.” Jeff smiles at her.

  “Thanks.” Her face reddens, and she tightens her bun. “Okay, I’ll see you around.” She spins and heads for the doors.

  “Well, that wasn’t awkward.” Jeff stuffs his volleyball in his duffle.

  “We didn’t get off to the best start. She met Lydia and Rose.”

  “Those nurses that hate you? Tough break dude. She’s hot.”

  “Yeah.” I shoulder my pack, and we walk to the door.

  Jeff shakes his head. “You gotta set them straight.”

  “How?”

  “Maybe if Liz gets to know you, she will.”

  “I’m not counting on it.” The warm air hits my face, and I’m grateful the sun has set.

  Halfway through the lot, Jeff stops. “You hiking with us Saturday?”

  “That’s the plan. If no one gets hurt Friday night, I might even be half awake.”

  “See you then.” He heads to his truck.

  My phone rings, and I look at the screen and roll my eyes. I answer the call. “Hi, Mom.”

  I listen to her rant about how David and Rebecca aren’t including her in any of the baby stuff, how Dana is never around, Joshua and his driving lessons, and how I should come back home for Rosh Hashanah. As she talks, I picture Liz’s face, her milk-white skin, and her eyes like the blue sky. Their colors create an aura of fragility, which seems mismatched with her fiery red hair and muscular frame. Why did I think of her? Because she surprised me? Thinking of the last girl who did that, I push Amanda’s image from my brain.

  “Are you listening to me?”

  “Yeah, Mom. I don’t think I can come home in September. It’s still baseball season.”

  “Are you ever coming home?”

  “It’s only been five weeks.”

  “Well, maybe you can go to your aunt Heather’s in San Diego for the holiday.”

  “I’ll think about it.” I turn into a grocery store parking lot.

  She rattles on, and I’m halfway through the store before the conversation wraps up. I grab a chicken breast, throw it in my cart, and head to the check-out. The cashier flashes me a wide smile. Fighting an eye roll, I force a tight smile. I don’t like to be egotistical, but I’m tall and muscular. Girls notice. But my looks usually get me the wrong kind of attention, except in Amanda’s case. God, I need a brain transplant.

  At my apartment, I stow my stuff and heat the grill. While the chicken cooks, I scroll through my messages. Opening a bag of lettuce, I slide the chicken on top. I turn on the game and watch as I eat.

  “You made it, and you don’t even look that bad,” Jeff calls as I approach the group Saturday morning for a hike.

  I jog the last few feet to him. “It wasn’t too late last night.”

  He clears his throat and speaks under his breath. “That chick, Liz, is here.”

  Behind sunglasses, my eyes scan the bodies. Yep, there she is being accosted by Josie and Sam.

  “You invite her?” Jeff continues.

  “Nope, haven’t seen or talked to her since Wednesday.”

  “Guess it’s random then. We were waiting on you, so let’s hit it.”

  As we reach the path, I fall in line behind Jeff and his girlfriend, Isabelle. Before I know it, Josie is beside me.

  “Hi, Zack, how are you? How was your night last night?”

  “Not bad, it was a little before midnight when I got home.”

  “That’s good. It still makes for an early morning.” The corners of her mouth turn down as if in empathy for me.

  “Better than hiking in one-hundred-degree weather.” I pan my eyes to the cloudless sky.

  “True.” She works as a kindergarten teacher in this all-year private school, and taking in the scenery, I lose interest in her dialogue.

  I’m not sure why I keep coming to these meetups. Josie and Sam are nice enough, but they never leave me alone. I started coming to meet people and met Jeff, Isabelle, and a couple others, but now I feel trapped.

  “Hi, Zack.” Sam joins us.

  “Hi, how are you?”

  “Good.” Sam gives a rendition of her week in the advertising world. I nod where appropriate as they make conversation. Mainly, I like being outdoors when it’s not sweltering. Hiking is new for me, and I love the terrain of the desert. At first, I’d pictured the sun burning away any memory of the past two years. I’m over her, I repeat in my head. In reality, six months after the dumping incident, and I may be fifty percent there. The rhetoric makes me feel soft, like less of a man, and I ball my fists. Remembering how my first break-up went, I know it won’t be long before I’m back to normal. Only five, maybe six, more months and Amanda will be a distant memory. I find an empty spot and look out over the vista into the desert.

  On the descent, I know I can’t ignore Liz forever and wonder if I should make the first move. When we come to the bottom, Jeff announces a brunch location.

  I take a long drink from my water bottle and approach her. “Hi, surviving the heat?”

  “I slathered SPF one hundred on twice, so hopefully I won’t be a lobster.” She turns over her arm.

  “Danger number one thousand one of the desert, the big star in the sky.” I point to the sun. “Saw you met some people.”

  “I’m not stalking you. I promise.” She looks up at me.

  “Didn’t think you were. This is a cool group, good people.”

  “Yeah, everyone seemed nice. I recognized Jeff from volleyball, right?”

  “Yep.” I bob my head. “Are you coming to the restaurant?”

  “I thought I would. My weekend is a huge black hole, so…”

  “Great, I’ll see you there.” I motion to my car.

  It’s a quick drive to the restaurant. I pick a seat near the middle of the table by Jeff, and Josie slides in beside me. Sam sits on the end, and Liz takes the seat beside her. I’m drawn into Jeff’s conversation but cut my eyes between him and the girls.

  “The egg-white omelet is good here,” Sam comments to Liz.

  “If you eat animals.” Josie’s eyes cut between Liz and Sam.

  Liz shrugs. “I try to eat healthy. Are you guys vegetarians?”

  “I’m vegan,” Josie confirms.

  Sam takes a sip of her water. “I tried being vegan. But I was starving all the time, so I went back to being a normal vegetarian.”

  “I would bet it would be hard.” Liz’s eyes cut to the menu.

  “I’ve been vegan since I was thirteen.” Josie’s chin juts out.

  “Cool.” Liz looks at her and smiles.

  I feel bad for Liz. Being vegan seems almost like a religion for Josie.

  “Unlike Zack here”—Josie nudges me—“who would eat Bambi if you set it on his plate.”

  “Hey.” I defend myself. “A man’s got to have his meat.”

  “Oh, I’m not complaining.” She wraps her fingers around my bicep. “You can eat meat all day if you’re going to look like this.”

  “How long is today’s workout?” Sam asks.

  “Only a couple of hours. I’ve got to work tonight, so I need a nap.” I stretch and yawn.

  Josie looks to Liz and rolls her eyes. “Zack’s third job is working out. I think he does it to make the rest of us feel lazy.”

  Liz’s faces me. “Are you training for something?”

  “No.” I shrug. “Just like to stay in shape. I’m used to rowing. Not much of that around here.”

  “I guess not. Kind of need water for that.” Liz refocuses on her menu.

  Sam points at me. “You should get into parkour or something. I would come watch you. Maybe put some bucks in your hat.” She winks.

  I fight a shiver of disgust. “I’m good with the gym.” It’s not that Josie and Sam are horrible looking. But, they crowd me and aren’t my type. I wonder if I’m
even sure what my type is. All I know is that they aren’t it.

  The waitress appears and takes our order. Josie and Sam start their inquisition as to everything Liz, and I turn my attention to the other side of the table. The food comes, and Jeff and Isabelle start to razz me about work and my lack of social life. I check the calendar on my phone.

  “Next weekend, I’ll come to your cook out.”

  “I’m holding you to that.” Jeff slaps me on the back. He whispers in my ear. “Celeste liked hanging out with you. Really liked you, which you should totally take advantage of. She said I could pass along her number.”

  Celeste is tall and slender, total model type, and would have been the first person I asked out in my previous player life. Further, she’s funny and smart. I’d enjoyed our conversations when I met her at Jeff’s place a few weeks ago. But I don’t say anything. If I take her number, I’d have to call her. Then, things would be awkward.

  Jeff turns to Isabelle. “Did you hear that, Isabelle? I’m writing it in stone. Zack is coming to the party next weekend.” He faces me again. “I don’t have to make you pinky swear, do I? I think you need to sign something in blood.”

  “Na, man.” I shove a bite in my mouth. As I finish my meal, the waitress comes with the check. I ate light because if I’m working out, I don’t want a lot in my stomach.

  I hate the chit chat at the end of events and make my exit, sending a wave Liz’s way. I’m not sure why I feel like I owe her something. Maybe because we’d started out on the wrong foot, and I feel bad I was short with her. Of course, she’d made that snide comment first. Funny how she totally didn’t seem like that person. But what did I know? She could be another Zoey—perfect one minute and crazy the next.

  It’s a half-hour drive to the team gym, but with Saturday traffic, it takes me forty-five minutes.

  “You here to make the rest of us look like wimps?” Carlos asks as I start my stretches.

  “That’s the plan. I only work out on your light days though, so I don’t look so weak.”

  “You’d beat me in cardio anytime.” He steps forward to spot me on the bench press. “You meet up with that hiking club thing this morning?”

  “Yeah.” I force the bar up.