Deepest Scars Page 8
“A nerd?” I shake my head. “I mountain bike, I play volleyball, I run, hike, lift weights—”
Her eyes grow wide. “You watch photography videos.”
“What?” I laugh. “Because I got a cool camera for this trip. Just wait, I’m going to have some amazing shots and sell them for lots of money.”
“And then you’ll be a stuck-up nerd.”
I splash her. “But I’ll have lots of money and cool friends.”
“You do have cool friends.” She flicks water from her fingers in my face.
Our attacks on each other escalate to a full-out splashing war.
“What’s going on?” Josie’s voice comes from around the bend. “I thought there was a bear.”
Behind her, Sam and her boyfriend stare at us.
“Just a good old splashing war, want to join in?” I ask tossing a handful of liquid Josie’s way.
Josie jumps back. “The water is freezing.”
As she says it, a breeze kicks up and Liz shivers.
“Are you guys headed back?” Josie asks.
“Sure.” Liz steps towards the bank.
I secure her elbow as she teeters on a rock and jumps to shore.
“Thanks.” She smiles as I release her.
As the sky brightens the next day, I get my coffee and sit around the fire with everyone. We’re talking and joking about random things. After a while, I realize Liz is not in camp.
“Where’s Liz?” I ask Josie.
“I don’t know. She wasn’t in the tent when I woke up.”
I get up and check her tent and the river bank. Making my way to the trail we’d been on the previous day, I see a white-haired woman approach.
“Have you seen a red-haired girl?”
“Yep, she’s up there, having a little quiet time.”
“Thanks.” I spin and proceed up the trail.
“She a friend of yours?”
“Yeah.” I stop and face her.
“Are those other girls, the brunette and blond, your friends too?”
I guess she’s talking about Josie and Sam, as they’re usually together. “They’re with our group, why?”
“Maybe you could help Liz find another tent.”
“What happened?”
“It’s not really my place. I’ll let Liz tell you or not. She doesn’t need their negativity in her life.”
“No one does.”
“So, you understand? You’ll help her get some space from the brunette especially?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Look at you.” She squeezes my bicep. “Such a nice man. Go up there and get her.”
I climb to where we’d watched the sunrise yesterday, and she’s not there. Continuing up the trail, I find her at the very top of a rock formation. Without a word, I sit down beside her and look out over the river.
“You looking for me?” she asks after a minute or so.
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Because, I noticed you were gone.” I look at her and see a tear escape from under her sunglasses. I like you, I think, I like being with you. But I don’t know how much to say right now. “Something you want to talk about?”
“No.” She jumps up, and I catch her arm.
“Really, because the woman I passed down there—”
“White hair? Tattoos?”
“Yep,” I say, and she turns to face me.
“What did she tell you?”
“She told me to help you find another tent.”
“That all?”
“Pretty much.”
“Pretty much, or all?”
“Something about negativity and Josie and Sam.”
“Ugh.” Another tear rolls down her cheek, and she swipes it away. “You would think that I would get over stuff like this by now.”
“What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Okay, well”—I rub my forehead—“you can sleep in my tent. I’ll sleep outside.”
“Then it looks weird.”
“We could pretend we’re together.” I move closer. I want to kiss her. Not for pretend, though.
“That’s probably the reason—” She spins away from me.
“The reason, what?”
“Nothing. That works. I just don’t want to be around Josie.” Grabbing a journal and tossing it in her bag, she starts down the trail.
Thinking she trusts me enough to sleep in the same tent with me, I hope I haven’t wriggled myself into the friend zone. But it doesn’t matter. If she’s not into me, she’s not. I may not be her type. She could be being nice. Or after whatever happened with Josie, Liz doesn’t have a choice. Of course, I’m not going to kiss her while we’re pretending. Then things could be misread. This sucks.
“I’m a good listener,” I say as I fall in step with her.
“Thanks. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t let people like her get to me.”
“You’re talking about this like you did something wrong. It sounds like Josie was being mean.”
She stops and looks up at me. “Can you let it go?”
Thinking her lips look pink and soft doesn’t help my focus. I guess this whole pretend thing gives me an excuse to be around her. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do.” She walks away.
After a second, I jog to catch up with her. “How’d you sleep?”
“Fine.” She huffs.
“I slept so good.” I continue. “You have breakfast yet? My oatmeal was really good today. And the coffee? I’m putting these breakfasts into my routine at home.”
Under her sunglasses, I see her eyes roll, so I keep going. “What do you want to do today? Now that we’re like a thing? I’m the demanding boyfriend type, so you must do everything I want. I think we should take a hike, have a picnic lunch, swim naked in the river—”
“Stop.” She juts her arm out, halting my stride.
“What? That was the perfect romantic day plan. I wasn’t going to say sex. I mean you’ve only talked to me like twice, and I’m not that easy.”
She covers her ears but laughs. “This isn’t about what me telling Carlos I only talked to you twice, is it?”
I pull her hands from her head. “It totally is.”
“Really? I randomly picked a low number.”
“You were cool as a cucumber, didn’t even blush.”
“And you were red as a beet.”
I think she admitted she might know that I’m interested in her, which I figure is a good development.
“I’m hungry.” She slaps my arm and walks away.
Following behind, I have no clue how to act. I decide to think of this as our first date which would mandate minimal touching, unless it’s obvious the person wants contact, and light and inquisitive conversation.
We reach the group, and my eyes are trained on Josie. She diverts her gaze as Liz gets some coffee and pours water into a bowl of dried oats. Now I dislike Josie even more. I wonder if I’ll be able to disguise the feeling. Groups form around activities, and I follow Liz’s lead. We hike with Jeff, Isabelle, John, and a couple of others to a waterfall and then a cavern in the afternoon.
In the evening, we trek to the top of the ridge with the others to view the sunset. Back around the campfire, others indicate they’re torn between having to return to reality and wanting a hot shower. I count myself in that bucket. This has been the most amazing thing I’ve ever done, but I like running water and electricity.
As it gets later, Liz inches closer to me, and I smile and bump her leg. For me, this is real. I’ve stood beside her all day, wanting to touch her, sometimes offering my hand on the trail, standing inches from her and wanting to wrap my arm around her waist. But I don’t, first date rules and all.
“Hey.” She nudges me again and holds up her phone. “Selfie?” She tries to get us both in the shot.
“My arms are longer.” I open my palm, and she lays the device in my hand. I take the shot as she smiles
her perfect smile.
“Thanks. This was a great day.”
I bump my leg to hers. “I hope the thing this morning didn’t ruin it.”
She smiles at me. “I wasn’t going to let it.”
Her phone lights up, and I glance at the screen. The words happy birthday show in the message box. I snatch the phone and jump away from her. “What is this?”
Her eyes cut around the circle, and she holds her hand out to me. Instead of handing her the phone, I slide it in my pocket and walk away from the group. “It’s your birthday?” I whisper when she follows.
“Shh.”
“What are you guys doing over there?” Isabelle calls to us.
“Nothing.” I pull her farther from the fire.
“Phone.” She holds up her palm, and I relinquish it. Looking at me, she bites her lip. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Okay, so I get that you’re sort of a private person. But me? Your Grand Canyon get-away hook-up guy? You don’t tell me?”
“We’ve only talked like, twice.” Her smile spreads across her face, and I want to kiss her.
Instead, I cover it with my hand.
“What are you doing?”
I bite my lip and wonder if I should put it out there. I decide to go halfway. “You have nice lips, but I don’t want to kiss you in front of everyone.”
She takes my arm and moves it from her face but doesn’t let go. “And I didn’t say I wanted to be kissed.”
“No, you didn’t.” I shake my head. “Can I say happy birthday?”
“Yes, you may.”
“Happy birthday.”
“It was a good day.” Her smile returns.
“Good.” I tug my arm from her grip and take her hand.
Squeezing my fingers, she releases her hold, and I stuff my hand in my pocket. Looking back to the group, I see everyone turning in.
“It’s late. We should sleep.”
We make our way back to the fire.
“Everyone is wimping out,” Josie whines as she sips her whiskey.
“You’re not going to feel good tomorrow.” I snag my water bottle from the ground.
“I’m twenty-four. A few drinks are not a problem.”
“Maybe so. Have fun.” I back away from the group and signal for Liz to follow.
We walk to her tent, and she slides her sack and sleeping bag out. She follows me to mine, and I climb inside and gather up my things.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“This is a one-person tent. One and a half, maybe. My bag is rated to minus twenty. I’m sleeping under the stars the way all good cowboys do.”
“I’m little. It will work.”
“No, it’s fine. We’ll sleep better this way.” I hope she’s not offended. With a nine-and-a-half mile hike up the canyon tomorrow, I need a good night’s rest. Plus, I want her to be fresh too. Whatever she has going on with her heart rate issue, I’d rather her be at her best.
I go to the latrines and then spread out my pack on a grassy spot. Studying the stars, I try to relax. August seventeen. I know the date. It’s etched in my mind. Amanda’s birthday. Liz’s birthday. What are the chances? But sooner than I would have guessed, the sound of the water and darkness take me.
The light wakes me before five. I pull on my jacket as I sit. No one seems to be awake, and I check my tent. Liz’s eyes are closed, and her breathing looks slow and even. I take the trail to the point where I’d found her the previous day, waiting for the sun to rise.
“Mind if I sit here too?” a hoarse voice asks.
I turn to see the white-haired woman I met yesterday.
“Not at all.” I smile at her.
“Where’s your girl?”
“Still sleeping.”
“I expect she’ll be along soon.”
“Maybe.”
We sit in silence, watching the ball of light rise above the horizon. When it’s a half-sphere, I hear footsteps, and Liz appears from around the bend. Her hair is loose, and the curls catch the sun’s red glow.
Running her hand across my back, she takes the spot beside me. “I’m going to miss this.”
“Me too.” I smile, thinking I’m going to miss her.
We sit in silence a few minutes, and the woman gets up to leave. “Best to you.”
“You too,” Liz and I repeat together.
“My apartment faces east. I usually sit outside on my patio and eat breakfast.” I tell her.
“Morning person?”
“I’m not really one extreme or the other. I like being outside.”
“I have a small patio too. I need some furniture for it.”
“Ikea.” I get up and offer my hand.
“I live at Ikea.” She takes my hand and stands. “Can I ride back with you?”
“Course, I’d like that. Are you going to say anything to Josie or let it go?”
“She doesn’t even know that I heard what she said.”
“So, she said something mean?”
She turns to face me. “I think she likes you.”
“How does this have anything to do with me?”
“She said quote”—her fingers curl in the air—“who does she think she is coming in here and being all flirty with Zack? Doesn’t she honor the girlfriend code?”
“Oh.” I look at the ground. “I guess it does have something to do with me. I don’t like her though. I haven’t been encouraging her at all.”
“I can see that.” She resumes walking.
“Is that what hurt your feelings?”
Her curls shake on her head. “No, the rest was a train wreck. I was in the shower, and she didn’t know it was me.”
“The white-headed lady?”
“Overheard the whole thing.”
“Well, I totally get it. Want me to beat her up for you?”
She laughs as we reach the campsite. Everyone is packing up, and we start organizing our gear. Josie approaches and holds out the tent poles.
“Here’s your part.” She hands Liz the posts and walks away.
“Thanks.” Liz starts to tie them to the bottom of her pack.
“I’ve got those.” I slide them from her grip.
Liz stands. “I don’t need coddling.”
“My pack is light from all the food I consumed. Plus, I have to keep up my over-muscled guy act.” I wink at her.
We break camp and start the trek up the canyon wall. It’s amazing how the terrain changes from lush green valley to rocky dry cliffs as we climb. We keep a steady pace, and Liz only needs to stop once by the time we break for lunch. Afterwards, we only have an hour hike left. At the top, my legs are sore and my lungs tired, but I don’t feel horrible.
Looking at Josie, I can tell she does though. “You okay?”
“Maybe you were right about the drinking?”
“I’m not going to say it.” I toss my backpack in the van.
The guides shuttle us to our cars, and we start the process of packing all the gear in the vehicles.
Jeff approaches me. “Most of us are staying overnight in Flagstaff, you up for it?”
“Hmm, not sure.” I lift my pack into the back of my truck.
“That have anything to do with Liz.”
“Maybe.” I keep at my task.
“But you’re not talking?”
“Nope.”
I see Liz approach and lift her pack from her shoulders. “Are you interested in staying in Flagstaff?”
“I’m kind of ready to get home.”
“Me too. Although, a hot shower does sound nice.”
“I’m with you on that.” She tosses me the last item.
Liz and I shower and change in the rooms the group reserves. I feel weird about leaving with her. It wasn’t my intention, and I like to keep my romantic feelings private, but there’s not much to do about the situation.
Isabelle approaches as I round my truck to leave. “I think Josie’s upset.”
“Ugh.” I rub my neck
. “There’s not much I can do. I didn’t lead her on.”
“I know, but I think she thought something might happen between you guys.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I think I was pretty clear all along.”
“Just try to be sensitive.” She pulls me to her and hugs me. “It was fun. I’m glad you came.”
Jeff approaches, and I shake his hand. Waving to the group gathered on the second-floor balcony, I make my way downstairs.
“Well, that wasn’t awkward,” Liz says as we approach my truck.
“It’s not a big deal. For all anyone knows, we were the only ones who were ready to get home.”
“Right.” She slides into the seat beside me.
“So, you’re using me to get away from Josie?”
“No, you’re cool to hang out with.”
“Decide I’m not too nerdy?” I crank the engine and start to back out.
“Maybe the right amount of nerdy.”
On the drive, I get her talking about her friends from school, and she tells me about her sorority and best friend who got married in June. My phone rings, and she picks it up. “Doug?”
“Ugh. I’ve got to answer this. He lives in China, so we don’t get to talk often. It’s not going to be pretty. I’m sorry.” I tap the answer key and put the phone on speaker. “Hey, Doug. I’m driving back from the Grand Canyon. Liz is here with me, and you’re on speaker.”
“Oh, cool, how was your trip?”
“Amazing, you have to come do it with me.”
“I would love to. Speaking of which, I’m moving back.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m moving back to Chicago. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing.”
I glance over at Liz, hating that she’s going to have to witness this train wreck of a conversation. “She’s not taking you back because you move home.”
“I found out today that she’s going back to Northwestern for her senior year.”
“That’s great for her.” I roll my eyes and shake my head. “That doesn’t mean she’s going to take you back.”
“I love her. I know she loved me. I can show her that I’m ready to trust her, be the person she needs me to be. Her birthday was yesterday. I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t care about this job anymore.”
Doug is more emotional than me, and I always feel like I have to reel him back in. “You didn’t call her, did you?”